are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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