It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
