like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
