P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
