connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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