so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
