At least make sure they are 18
Why
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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