they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
