If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
