Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
