I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
