Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
