That's when you crack a 10am beer
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
