things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
