All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
