Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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