And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
