I have demons in me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
