Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
