Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This is my gift to your gina
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
