Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
