I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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