He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
