mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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