i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
