It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
