he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
