where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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