Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
