Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
