im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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