Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
