I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
