Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
