a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
