My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
