Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
