I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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