Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
