She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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