I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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