i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i dont even know how to be here
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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