would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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