He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
