I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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