id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
