we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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