i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
