I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
