they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
