Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
