i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
