I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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