It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
