Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
