The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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