so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
