They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
