Define "chronic" masturbator.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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