dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
