Don't you send me to vm
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
