and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
