I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
