I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i was born a porn star she said
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
