I cannot find my penis.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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