I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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