Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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