oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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