I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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