I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
