none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
