do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
