I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
