Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i've created a new STD.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
