Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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