Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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